Into the Sea · nothing makes sense
I was a lonely one. Wrapped up in the hard-shelled follies of self-pity.
I cracked that coconut. I keep cracking it. And every time I do, it doesn’t take long for me to slip back into folly. It’s a goddamn roller-coaster I can’t seem to get off.
The story of my mind is that of two rampant tugboats trying to maneuver a 400,000 tonne oil tanker in a tiny harbour. They both have their own conflicting ideas of how the maneuvering should be done. Pulling in the same direction never crosses their minds.
There’s the logical, stoic tugboat calmly explaining: «Hey, this is the obvious route to go. It’s also safer.»
And then there’s the lovelorn, hopelessly romantic tugboat proclaiming: «But this is the scenic route! Never mind peril, look at that sunset!»
Well, fuck them both. They’re nothing but trouble. Yet I seem to be anchored to them for life.
Everything was going so well — then I realized something.
I’ve only had two real realizations in my life. The first was a moment cut unto itself and was wholly wondrous and beautiful; it made me see the world differently. The second broke me into bloody jigsaw pieces I have no idea how to put back together.
Every time I am reminded of it, my heart sinks. The times I manage to put it out of my mind, I feel better. But as soon as it appears, my heart sinks again; like a bathysphere torn loose from its umbilical.